I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
