he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
