I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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