I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
