I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
