nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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