he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
