Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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