I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
