and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
