I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
