I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i think i just lost a toe
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
