Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
