Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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