my soul wont recognize me after tonight
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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