His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
