Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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