I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
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