big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
