i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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