so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
