yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
