i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
