is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
