you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
