i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
