so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
