that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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