why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
