Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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