Got a toothbrush?
barbara walters just said penis...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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