Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
