Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
