Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
