I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
