I have demons in me.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
