do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
