If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
