There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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