dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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