thus making me awesome and them whores
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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