How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
