Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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