The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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