Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
