I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
