Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
