good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
