i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
