you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
