Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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