sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
