ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
