so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
