that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
